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Dear Sexes: Why do married men masturbate to porn, and when they get caught by their wives they say, “It’s not you, I love only you,” but they wake up at 7:30 in the morning leave you sleeping and go in the other room an wack off to watching porn?

She Said:  First, it’s not about you. Unless you’re withholding sex—-then it is a little bit about you. Remember, sex is not a weapon. It is not a tool for manipulation and should not be used to show you’re angry, or dissatisfied, or to “reward” someone. Sex should be a mutually-enthusastic expression of love, of lust, and/or connection. As much as sitcoms and RomComs joke about “holding out”, that’s pure manipulation and will end badly for you.

So to answer: My guess is that your guy is using masturbation as a way to relieve anxiety before his day starts. I’d also guess that if you got out the massage oil and offered to help him with the process, he’d be keen on you joining in.

If not, don’t take it personally, maybe he needs to just get it done quickly so that he can go on with his day. Or maybe he doesn’t want to wake you. If it really freaks you out, try to talk to him about it in a way that doesn’t accuse. You know the classic relationship advice: use “I” and “me” statements instead of “you” accusations. Try, “I feel a little left out in the mornings when you get up to masturbate.” See what he says, I bet if you approach it right, he’ll feel comfortable enough to open up to you. The answer will probably surprise you—-in a good way.

He Said:  Let’s get one thing out of the way real quick. ALL men (not just the married ones) masturbate to porn (or some visual form of stimulation), except for the incredibly repressed, asexual, and/or flat-out liars.

Personally, I’m not married but I don’t feel the need to justify/defend masturbation to my girlfriend by saying “It’s not you, I love only you”. I do love my girlfriend, but masturbation and love have nothing to do with one another. In general, men are visual creatures.  They have always been, and will forever be this way.

The masturbating to porn thing is mostly about getting immediate satisfaction on our own terms—-visual stimulation (in this manner) is easy for us, and rarely has anything to do with our partner, or even our feelings about our sex life, or our partner’s beauty.

Also, masturbation is a natural thing, normal and good for everyone. Does your man judge the manner in which you masturbate, by hating on the special candles you bought for the event, not to mention that old sweatshirt of his you keep nearby for such occasions? Masturbation is only a problem if it’s overdone, or used as a replacement for a healthy communicative relationship or sex-life (with others). So, if your problem is with masturbation, try and get over it. If your problem is with your man (or men in general) masturbating too much, talk to your man and see what it’s all about for him.  And tell him to stop beating around the bush, and speak honestly.

So when does a harmless exercise turn into a harmful addiction? Here are the physical and psychological symptoms that may indicate you need to holster your hand and give your boner an extended breather.

That injury could be something as mild as skin chaffing, or a more serious condition like Peyronie’s disease—a buildup of plaque in the shaft of your penis that can result from using too much pressure while stroking it, Dr. Köhler explains. If you’re hurting yourself, you need to cut back, he warns.

Some guys who masturbate a lot using specific types of stimuli—say, certain categories of porn coupled with specific hand movements—find that they can’t recreate the same type of excitement during sex, Dr. Köhler explains.

Basically, rubbing it out teaches your brain and body to get off only in response to your solo act, and you experience problems getting it up or finishing with a real-life partner. “If that happens, you have a problem that needs to be addressed,” says Dr. Köhler.

“One of the major criteria of any type of addiction is a loss of control,” Drake explains. Just like a problem smoker or gambler, if you can’t manage to curb your habit when you recognize it’s out of control, that’s an issue.

Drake says there are two main techniques of addressing the issue: Cutting yourself off cold turkey, or the “harm reduction” method, which entails trimming your habit while still allowing yourself the occasional five-knuckle shuffle.

“There’s nothing unhealthy or problematic with masturbating,” he’s quick to add. “But if it becomes detrimental to your life, then you need to treat it like you would any other harmful habit.”

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It’s likely not a surprise to you that men masturbate more frequently than women do, but now there are actual stats to prove it—thanks to Indiana University's National Survey Of Sexual Health And Behavior, which fivethirtyeight.com wrote about in a recent story .

Depending on your own self-pleasuring habits, the titillating facts will either shock or mildly interest you. Regarding the highest-frequency masturbators, 5% of women ages 25-29 engage in solo sessions more than 4 times a week, while 20.1% of men do. The gap closes in for those who reported masturbating multiple times a month, with 21.5% of women ages 25-29 and 25.4% of men in that same age group. But the disparity generally remains the same throughout our lives, with women coming in at least 10-15 percentage points behind men in each category. Another stat: The older we get, the more likely we are to report not masturbating at all, ever (and that’s true for both men and women). Read the fivethirtyeight.com story to see even more sexy intel.

Bottom line: Masturbating is the gift that keeps on giving, whether you’re single or married, 25 or 55. While every woman may not be servicing herself (yet), there's no denying the physical and mental upsides of masturbation, whether you do it once a day, month, year, or even once a decade.  

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Did you know that there’s such a thing as National Masturbation Month ? There Is. And since we’re smack dab in the middle of it, it’s time to celebrate , ladies! If you’re thinking, “Uuuuuuum, why masturbate ?” I’m here to answer exactly that question.

The word masturbation itself is sure to get a giggle in any crowd. Throughout history, there have been varying levels of shame associated with touching one’s body. U.S. Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders was even fired in 1994 for suggesting at a U.N. Conference on AIDS that young people explore their bodies (aka masturbate!) as an alternative to risky sexual behavior.

2. Sexploration: It’s Like Going On Safari . . On Your Body
Every week it seems like girls at school or on our favorite TV shows are talking about something sexually new. It can be embarrassing to think of trying to figure it all out with someone else. The cool thing about self touch is that you can learn firsthand, pun intended, what feels good to you.

3. Stress Less
There are so many reasons to feel wound up about life. Well, as luck would have it, masturbation is a great stress reliever. Renowned sex therapist Dr. Gloria Brame explains, “A study in Scotland a few years ago proved that people who had orgasms before important speaking engagements felt much calmer and more self-possessed when it came to deliver their speeches.” Wowzers. Have a big presentation in class on Tuesday? Why not masturbate that morning! It could boost your grades!

4. More Orgasmic? Hell Yeah!
The more you touch yourself the more orgasmic your body becomes. It is a fact. Women who self pleasure are more likely to have a climactic time during intercourse. When you are by yourself you can perfect, ahem, the touch, pressure and stimulation that works best for you. Then when you’re with a partner, kowabunga!

5. Confidence, Lady. Confidence!
Having intimate knowledge of our bodies is great insurance against all of the negative body image ideas that come at us daily. When you know that you can give love to yourself, you move in the world differently as a woman. Self pleasure makes us more comfortable in our beautiful bodies. Whoo hoo!

If you’re still asking, “Why masturbate,” maybe you weren’t listening–but I’ll give you one more as a bonus: masturbating can relieve some menstrual cramps. SAY WHAAAAT?! Yup. Your crappy cramps could be out the door. And if that’s not reason enough, I don’t know what would be!

Have you ever wondered about masturbation or asked yourself, “Why masturbate at all?” Do you think masturbation is good for girls or kind of uncomfortable? Tell me everything in the comments !

Jay Dee, a blogger who writes on his blog sexwithinmarrage.com , wrote a post entitled “Why do married men masturbate?” This is one of many blogs that I wish to respond to, as the Lord grants me the time. As believers our first and foremost responsibility is to bring honor and glory to God with our lives, but how we do that is sometimes where we disagree.

Feminism attacks masculinity (especially male sexuality) from the perspective that man’s physical, visual and polygynous sexual nature is somehow shallow. They attack men for looking at, or enjoying the view of beautiful women and accuse them of “objectifying woman”.

Christianity had its own form of asceticism begin while the Apostles were still preaching and Paul actually referenced it and attacked it (Colossians 2:18-23). Just think “monks in a monastery” and you will understand what asceticism when taken to its fullest extent.

The unfortunate truth is, there is still much Asceticism in the Church today, throughout almost every Christian denomination. Many good preachers and teachers, believing they are fighting for holiness and purity put the men in their churches under the yoke of bondage to asceticism.

With all that said as a background, I must call my brother in Christ to task on his false teaching that solo masturbation without one’s wife present is adultery. Jay Dee’s full post can be found at http://sexwithinmarriage.com/why-do-married-men-masturbate/

While Jay Dee would tell these men this was wicked, I would first ask these men what they were calling “pornography”. We must understand there is good and bad pornography, even Jay Dee on his site talks about “Christian Porn”. He simply narrowly defines it as husband and wife taking pictures of themselves, and they are the only ones that see them.

I would define “Christian Porn” in a broader sense as any imagery NOT containing group sex, bestiality, rape, underage minors, homosexuality or any kind abusive sexual behavior. What that means is, any picture of a naked woman by herself or any pictures of heterosexual sex between a man and a woman are completely acceptable by Biblical standards.

If you are thinking this is where lust comes in, you might not know what Biblical lust is. Lust is NOT simply being sexually aroused by someone of the opposite sex, it is the thought and intent to possess the person sexually outside of marriage.

It’s normal to not feel normal about something that’s often regarded as taboo. Look at the indirect language people use to describe masturbation: “a date with Palmela Handerson,” “one gun salute” or simply “free willy” — there are at least 519 ways to say it.

Let’s make sure the data relates to you, though. It needs to have been collected relatively recently, include an age and a gender breakdown, and preferably have been conducted in the United States. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) from Indiana University, the “largest nationally representative study of sexual and sexual-health behaviors ever fielded” should do fine. Between March and May 2009, the NSSHB collected data from 5,865 Americans between 14 and 94 years old.

Buried in the 137-page report are the masturbation habits of 2,936 men; 396 of them, like you, were in their 30s. Bad news, though: The maximum frequency the researchers asked about for solo masturbation was “four or more times per week” — that doesn’t bode well for your normalcy. Worse still, only 13.5 percent of men your age masturbated that often. If you were a Brenda and not a Brandon, I would be even more surprised by your question: Only 1.5 percent of women ages 30 to 39 masturbated four or more times per week.

Those low percentages mean you’re a bit less normal. If that bothers you, maybe you can find solace in the possibility that others are fibbing (although the survey was submitted anonymously online, so does reduce the chances of that).

I wondered if there was more to this than “eight times per week,” so I contacted Julia Heiman , a professor of brain sciences and senior research fellow at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute. She said:

Without knowing anything more about you, it is hard to say whether or not this is a problem, because “normal” depends on whether masturbating at that frequency is taking away from other aspects of your life — like your relationships or work. Some people masturbate so often that it is cutting into their work time.

But masturbation itself, regardless of frequency, is very normal. On average, 78 percent of all Americans age 14 and older say they have masturbated at some point in their lives, according to the NSSHB. When men in their 30s were asked whether they had masturbated alone at any point in their life, 93.4 percent said yes. One explanation for the differences among age groups could be that masturbation has become more frequent as the taboos about it weaken; As Joycelyn Elders, a former surgeon general, said in the NSSHB: “We have finally included masturbation in our national conversation and as a result stopped checking our hands for growing hair.”

So, the fact that you have tried your hand at masturbation is very normal — as a man. If you were a woman, you’d be in a smaller majority: 80.3 percent of women in their 30s say they have masturbated alone in their lifetime. In fact, regardless of age, women are less likely to have tried masturbating.

I could easily create many pages just with this one question: we get this one a lot, and almost always only from women. Trouble is, there's no easy answer, nor one right answer for all women (or all men). I could answer you by telling you how I masturbate, but a) I think that'd really be TMI and b) that may have nothing at all to do with how you masturbate.

Some of the many places on the body women will self-stimulate, including, but not limited to, their genitals, when we masturbate are the: breasts, clitoris, anus, neck, vaginal opening , labia (outer and/or inner), perineum, vagina, hands, mouth, thighs, buttocks, feet, back, ears and just about anywhere else you can think of.

Women will masturbate in all kinds of positions: lying down, sitting up, standing up or squatting. Women will also do any variety of things while masturbating: some might watch movies, videos or television, some listen to music or read a book, some talk to a partner on the phone, some look in a mirror, some even eat while doing it. As many men do, many women will sexually fantasize during masturbation .

And just so you know, most women, statistically, do masturbate, whether they're 15 or 55, single or married or otherwise partnered. Sex researchers even have fetal imaging which has shown fetuses masturbating in utero, so it's safe to say that many of us probably started masturbating before we were even born.

For instance, most women tend to self-stimulate the clitoris far more often than the vagina, or only stimulate the vagina in conjunction with clitoral stimulation. Your clitoris has more sensory nerve endings than any other part of the body, but your vagina -- particularly the back two-thirds of it -- has very few.

Many women -- like many men -- fantasize while masturbating, to the idea of a partner, someone else, or various sexual scenarios. Many women have one or two methods they've discovered for themselves which are ways that -- for a substantial period of time -- they know will usually get them off quickly, but will still experiment with other techniques sometimes for variety, or because their standby methods aren't doing the trick on a given day. Many women (and men) can find that those tried-and-trees sometimes will just stop working, and then need to experiment to find some new ways.

A couple tips about masturbating with household objects: If you do or are going to masturbate with household objects, just remember that some objects are shared. If it's something someone else might use, too, then it's not cool to use it as a sex toy. Also, even objects that are only yours should usually be covered with a latex barrier if you can't sanitize them before and after use. You don't want to land yourself with a bacterial infection or an abrasion from a rough edge.

Do know that masturbation and sex with a partner are different things. Sure, they can feel similar physically -- and with certain activities, like rubbing your clitoris, which a partner can also do, almost identical -- but what we feel with sex isn't just physical: it's also intellectual, emotional, interpersonal, spiritual...you name it.

Masturbation is the sexual stimulation of one's own genitals for sexual arousal or other sexual pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm . [1] The stimulation may involve hands, fingers , everyday objects, sex toys such as vibrators , or combinations of these. [1] [2] Mutual masturbation (mutual manual stimulation of the genitals between partners) can be a substitute for sexual penetration . Studies have found that masturbation is frequent in humans of both sexes and all ages, although there is variation. Various medical and psychological benefits have been attributed to a healthy attitude toward sexual activity in general and to masturbation in particular. No causal relationship is known between masturbation and any form of mental or physical disorder. [3]

Masturbation has been depicted in art since prehistoric times and is mentioned and discussed in very early writings. In the 18th and 19th centuries, some European theologians and physicians described it as "heinous", "deplorable", and "hideous", but during the 20th century, these taboos generally declined. There has been an increase in discussion and portrayal of masturbation in art, popular music, television, films, and literature. Today, religions vary in their views of masturbation; some view it as a spiritually detrimental practice, some see it as not spiritually detrimental, and others take a situational view. The legal status of masturbation has also varied through history and masturbation in public is illegal in most countries. [4]

In the West , masturbation in private or with a partner is generally considered a normal and healthy part of sexual enjoyment. Animal masturbation has been observed in many species, both in the wild and in captivity. [5] [6] [7]

The English word masturbation was introduced in the 18th century, based on the Latin verb masturbari , alongside the more technical and slightly earlier onanism . The Latin verb masturbari is of uncertain origin . Suggested derivations include an unattested word for penis , *mazdo , cognate with Greek mézea μέζεα , "genitals", or alternatively a corruption of an unattested *manusturpare ("to defile with the hand"), by association with turbare "to disturb". [8] [9]

While masturbation is the formal word for this practice, many other expressions are in common use. Terms such as playing with yourself , pleasuring oneself and slang such as wanking , [10] jerking off , [11] and frigging are common. Self-abuse and self-pollution [12] were common in early modern times and are still found in modern dictionaries. A large variety of other euphemisms and dysphemisms exist which describe masturbation. For a list of terms, see the entry for masturbate in Wiktionary .

Masturbation involves touching, pressing, rubbing or massaging a person's genital area, either with the fingers or against an object such as a pillow ; inserting fingers or an object into the vagina or anus (see anal masturbation ); and stimulating the penis or vulva with an electric vibrator , which may also be inserted into the vagina or anus. It may also involve touching, rubbing, or pinching the nipples or other erogenous zones while masturbating. Both sexes sometimes apply lubricating substances to intensify sensation.

Some people get sexual pleasure by inserting objects, such as urethral sounds , into the urethra (the tube through which urine and, in men, semen, flows), [13] a practice known as urethral play or "sounding". [14] Other objects such as ball point pens and thermometers are sometimes used, although this practice can lead to injury and/or infection. [15] Some people masturbate by using machines that simulate intercourse.

Men and women may masturbate until they are close to orgasm , stop for a while to reduce excitement, and then resume masturbating. They may repeat this cycle multiple times. This "stop and go" build-up, known as "edging", can achieve even stronger orgasms. [16] Rarely, people quit stimulation just before orgasm to retain the heightened energy that normally comes down after orgasm. [17]

If there's one thing that almost every guy is an expert at, it's masturbation . After years of extensive, hands-on experience, you think you know everything there is to know. But according to the experts, maybe you don't. Here are some that may surprise you.

Study after study shows that intercourse has all sorts of benefits for men -- for your blood pressure , heart and prostate health, pain, and more. You'd think that masturbation would, too. But it doesn't.

Why would it make a difference whether you ejaculate during sex or on your own? No one's sure. But your body seems to respond differently. Even the makeup of semen is different if you masturbate instead of having sex .

Sure, it's low-risk. It's the safest form of sex possible. No one ever caught an STD from himself or made himself pregnant . But like other low-risk activities (chewing, walking), it still has some risks.

Frequent or rough masturbation can cause minor skin irritation. Forcefully bending an erect penis can rupture the chambers that fill with blood , a rare but gruesome condition called penile fracture.

Guys can get hung up on whether they masturbate too much. But it's not how many times you masturbate in a week (or day) that really matters, says Logan Levkoff, PhD, a sexologist and sex educator. It's how it fits into your life.

If you masturbate many times a day and have a healthy, satisfying life, good for you. But if you masturbate many times a day and you're missing work or giving up on sex with your partner because of it, consider seeing a sex therapist.

Even then, there's nothing specific about masturbation that's the problem. Compulsive masturbation is like any behavior that disrupts your life -- whether it's compulsively playing poker or buying Beanie Babies on eBay.

Obviously, but most people including myself were/are under the impression women do not like the look of mens private areas so we assume they don't like watching such acts.However since my girlfriend does and iv found out a lot of other women do its turn my world upside down and its incredibly enjoyable.

16. Orgasms can help relieve menstrual cramps and PMS, and fight yeast infections by increasing blood flow to the pelvic area. That alone is a pretty good reason to learn how to flick the bean, and flick it well.

Ive been at it since the age of 12 least once a day. Sad thing is that even though in a relationship for 10 years still needing to and tbh I do it even more now out of pure frustration! Sometimes I wish I had gone with a girl with a sex drive..I hate having to ask/beg for sex I mean wtf…anyway all this frustration is making me want to wank again. Plese excjse my typimg fronm now kn as itd very hard to tyspe….zzzzzzzz

There must be something in the water here in Lanesboro, Minnesota, because last night I dreamt of an encounter with a very muscular African-American centaur, an orgiastic experience with – gasp – drunken members of the opposite sex and (as if that weren’t enough) then being asked by my hostess to wear a white wedding dress while giving a scientific keynote presentation. “Does it make me look too feminine?” “Not at all,” she assured me, “it’s a man’s dress.”

Now Freud might raise his eyebrows at such a lurid dreamscape, but if these images represent my repressed sexual yearnings, then there’s a side of me that I apparently have yet to discover. But I doubt that this is the case. Dreams with erotic undertones are like most other dreams during REM sleep—runaway trains with a conductor who is helpless to do anything about the surrealistic directions they take. Rather, if you really want to know about a person’s hidden sexual desires, then find out what’s on his or her mind’s eye during the deepest throes of masturbation.

This conjuring ability to create fantasy scenes in our heads that literally bring us to orgasm when conveniently paired with our dexterous appendages is an evolutionary magic trick that I suspect is uniquely human. It requires a cognitive capacity called mental representation (an internal “re-presentation” of a previously experienced image or some other sensory input) that many evolutionary theorists believe is a relatively recent hominid innovation.

When it comes to sex, we put this capacity to very good—or at least, very frequent—use. In a now-classic, pre-Internet-porn (I’ll get to that later on) study by British evolutionary biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis, male university students were found to masturbate to ejaculation about every 72 hours, and “on the majority of occasions, their last masturbation is within 48 hours of their next in-pair copulation.” If they’re not having intercourse every day, that is to say, men tend to pleasure themselves to completion no more than two days prior to having actual sex.

Baker and Bellis’s quite logical argument for this seemingly counterintuitive state of affairs (after all, shouldn’t men try to stock up as much sperm as possible in their testes rather than spill their seeds so wastefully in a rather infertile swath of toilet paper or a dirty sock?) is that because there is a “shelf-life” for sperm cells – they remain viable for only 5-7 days after production – and because adult human males manufacture a whopping 3 million sperm per day, masturbation is an evolved strategy for shedding old sperm while making room for new, fitter sperm. It’s quality over quantity. Here are the adaptive logistics.

The advantage to the male could be that the younger sperm are more acceptable to the female and/or are better able to reach a secure position in the female tract. Moreover, once retained in the female tract, younger sperm could be more fertile in the absence of sperm competition [sexually monogamous relationships] and/or more competitive in the presence of sperm competition [in which the woman is having sex with other men]. Finally, if younger sperm live longer in the female tract, any enhanced fertility and competitiveness would also last longer.

Unconvinced? Well, Baker and Bellis are clever empiricists. They also apparently have stomachs of steel. One way that they tested their hypotheses was to ask over 30 brave heterosexual couples to provide them with some rather concrete samples of their sex lives: the vaginal “flowbacks” from their post-coital couplings, in which some portion of the male’s ejaculate is spontaneously rejected by the woman’s body.

The flowback emerges 5-120 min after copulation as a relatively discrete event over a period of 1-2 min in the form of three to eight white globules. With practice, females can recognize the sensation of the beginning of flowback and can collect the material by squatting over a 250 ml glass beaker. [And here comes a useful tip, ladies…] Once the flowback is nearly ready to emerge, it can be hastened by, for example, coughing.

Masturbation is the act of providing oneself  sexual pleasure . Most guys will stroke the glans of their penises (the part that looks like a helmet), as well as the shaft. Some will also incorporate other types of touch, like playing with their balls. It’s also not uncommon for younger guys, in particular, to hump pillows, towels, or other inanimate objects. There are even a variety of great male masturbation devices on the market. Typically, guys will watch  porn   while they masturbate, or conjure up mental fantasies or images.

Attitudes towards masturbation were quite negative in the past , but over the last several decades, those attitudes have shifted, at least for most people. Not that long ago, masturbation was thought to cause a wide variety of diseases and medical conditions, including mental illness, blindness, gout, and even cancer, but today we know that's not true. 

Even in the early 20th century, medical experts believed that masturbation was an extremely unhealthy and sinful behavior. In his 1904 book Sexology , professor William Walling wrote about masturbation, “Viewing the world over, this shameful and criminal act is the most frequent, as well as the most fatal, of all vices.” Masturbation is still considered morally reprehensible in many denominations of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. 

Various approaches were taken to stop people from masturbating. In the early 19th century, Reverend Sylvester Graham created the graham cracker, a bland cookie, as a means to curtail sex drive and masturbation. Later in the 19th century, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg — the inventor of Corn Flakes — prescribed a diet of bland food for the same reason. Dr. Kellogg also recommended more extreme approaches to reduce male masturbation, including circumcision, suturing of the foreskin to prevent erections, and cages placed over the genitals that would deliver electric shocks.

Things have changed significantly since then. Masturbation is still taboo and stigmatized to different degrees in different cultures, but people seem to be less afraid to talk about it. Masturbation has started to find its way into popular culture. Mainstream movies like  American Pie  and  There’s Something About Mary  feature masturbation scenes. Prince has recorded several songs over the decades that mention masturbation. Nicki Minaj’s collaboration with Beyoncé, "Feeling Myself,"is another recent example.

The medical community has also changed its tune. Masturbation is now seen as an expected, healthy, and even beneficial behavior. In 1972, the American Medical Association declared that masturbation is normal, and more recently The American Academy of Pediatrics stated that masturbation is a typical part of child and adolescent development.

In the mid-20th century, Dr. Alfred Kinsey and his research team interviewed a few thousand Americans about their sex lives, including masturbation. Even back then when people were much more socially and sexually conservative, 92% of men and 62% of women reported that they had masturbated.

Masturbation was related to higher levels of education, younger age, and higher social class. The researchers thought this might be because of access to good education, in particular sex education, and therefore less fear and guilt about masturbation. So based on the data, it’s safe to say that almost all men masturbate. The majority of women also masturbate, or perhaps even most, given that women tend to underreport their sexual experiences due to fear of being judged.

 

 

 

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