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According to Helen Porter of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers, girls are attempting to copy ever-more extreme body images, with some even ranking each other on how they look each day . "In the last five years there's been an increase in girls becoming increasingly concerned at body image, comparing themselves to celebrities and unrealistic ideals portrayed by the media … Girls and boys are viewing more pornographic images."

Is it accurate? It's hard to tell where exactly such trends come from. Putting the body image component of this aside for the moment, playing with make-up is something of a rite of passage for young women, and even strict school dress codes rarely stop girls from trying out daring looks. The media certainly has an influence here, even if the source isn't strictly porn. Everyone on television wears heavy make-up, so do most celebs, and a pretty big percentage of them have online tutorials too. With make-up tutorials now a click of a mouse away, it only takes a few minutes to learn how to perfect any look from 50s pin-up girl to drag-perfect eyes and lips.

Not only that, but with teen years a hothouse of hormonal influence and changing identity, some latch on to make-up as a powerful tool against others who might have supposedly "better" faces, bodies, and hair. Without doubt the eye of the teen is one of the most discerning social instruments and wields more power to dissect than a surgeon's scalpel. Then they see the adverts promising mile-long lashes and sculpted cheekbones in a jar… well, you know what's going to happen.

So maybe we shouldn't be surprised to hear that, according to Porter, girls are rating each other on looks out of 10. At my school the dress code was extremely strict (it was a Catholic school after all) but that didn't mean girls didn't still find ways to compete. Some wore heavy make-up and dyed their hair to see how much they could get away with. Others were competitive dieters. Jewellery, non-uniform shoes, tights and leggings were all fair game for what was, in retrospect, some pretty embarrassing and frankly unflattering experimentation. Thankfully most of us grew out of most of these terrible ideas.

Not to mention having been in high school when 'Mall Bangs' (fringes to you Brits) and bleached perms were all the rage. You know what they say, the higher the hair, the closer to God. Why, oh why, did no one ever tell us how awful they looked ?

Just last week make-up artist to the (porn) stars Melissa Murphy released a series of fascinating before-and-after shots of erotic starlets with and without their warpaint. If I knew a young person who was getting their style tips from the internet, I'd direct them straightaway to Murphy's photos, which prove even porn stars don't look like porn stars when they're off-duty.

While obviously staying power is important in doing (ahem) messy scenes, Melissa's comments on what works best for porn were interesting: "There is definitely a standard look, the one that most directors and companies are looking for: Soft, glamour, pretty. It works on everyone." Not for them the smudgy fuchsia lip or darkly smoky eye, but rather, something that will still look good after a long shoot.

I found a pretty similar phenomenon when I was working as a call girl. Of course you had to look made-up, but not so much that you would be out of place walking into or out of a hotel. Think the kind of clothes and make-up you'd wear to a good friend's evening wedding, in other words, step away from the glitter puff and sky-blue eyeshadow. Even so trying to emulate ready-for-camera makeup is still far too heavy for real life… a lesson many young girls learn the hard way when they get it wrong.

I met a nice, middle-aged, middle-class mother at a dinner party who told me  that she was very worried about the effects of internet porn on adolescent males. What, she wondered, was all this internet porn doing to the young? Did we really want a generation of teenage boys whose idea of emotional intimacy was anal sex?

Weeks later we ended up in bed and it left me wondering: what is all that internet porn doing to nice, middle-aged mums you meet at dinner parties? Do we really want a generation of forty/fifty-something women whose idea of emotional intimacy is anal sex?

Society’s anxiety about internet porn has been so focused on how it affects the young that its impact on the older generation has gone largely unnoticed. Over the past few years I’ve noticed the steady pornification of a section of the adult metropolitan middle class.

Porn’s influence has seeped into the British bedroom. The good news is that here’s a lot more variety on offer; the bad news is that some of it’s pretty scary stuff. (You try uttering sweet nothings wearing a leather ‘gimp’ mask with wooden ball strapped inside your mouth.) Between the sheets, educated middle-class women now talk and act like working-class porn starlets. And middle-class, middle-aged men have a new set of erotic expectations based on what they’ve seen in porn videos. Sorry kids, but Mummy and Daddy have become ‘Porn-Agains’.

You can hear it in the way they talk. When in 1907 Bloomsbury’s Lytton Strachey uttered the word ‘semen’ in mixed company, Virginia Woolf wrote that British life would never be the same again because ‘all barriers of reticence and reserve’ had broken down. But Woolf would have been shocked to hear how at dinner parties porn talk has filtered into polite society. What Keynes called the educated bourgeoisie now discuss blowjobs, anal sex and penis size as if they were talking about the weather. And no one bats an eye, blushes or complains for fear of being labelled a prude or dismissed as judgmental.

Out on the dating scene I have encountered the Porn-Again Mum in action. An Oxbridge graduate, she grew up on Sex and the City and in her thirties was a Yummy Mummy. Now in her late forties she’s proud to be considered a Milf. She has two lovely kids, a well-paid career, an ex-husband or two, a collection of ‘erotica’ — a term she prefers to porn, which is ‘too tacky’. She will tell you that Fifty Shades of Grey is ‘total rubbish’ — but read all three volumes and ‘loved it!’ Two drinks later you will know her entire sexual history. Three drinks and you’re back at her place, trussed up like a turkey and trying to smile for the camera.

And men are no better. I have heard dads discuss their worries about their daughters growing up in a world of internet porn. They begin the evening with showing you pictures of their cute kids; they end it with pictures of their favourite porn stars.

If you want to see the effect of pornography on the older generation, consider the rise of the middle-aged Brazilian wax — a fad popularised by porn. I’d assumed that this was something that only teenagers and young women did: now it’s practised by women old enough to be their mums — in fact, who are their mums. And they don’t go for just a trim or a tidy-up, but total pubic annihilation.


Let's not kid ourselves. Getting older is a drag, and middle age is particularly fraught with tension.

Do the sexy clothes you wore in the past now seem just plain wrong? Will smoky eye makeup that looks great on 19-year-olds make you appear just plain crazy?

Part of the problem is that aging often requires change, but most women don't want to move to a frumpy town called Middle Age, where sensible shoes and boring clothes are de rigueur.

Here are the 11 most common mistakes aging women make--and how to avoid them.

Not realizing you need to change
The biggest mistake women make is not doing anything at all. Hair, makeup, and clothing that made you look fantastic in your younger years, often won't cut it as you grow older. 

If you want to age gracefully, you'll need to make some changes.

"Many women keep doing the same things they've been doing for decades, which very often no longer works and may not be as flattering for a woman over 50," says Barbara Grufferman, author of The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts' Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money, and More . 

"They often don't even realize they are making mistakes, so it's all about finding what those mistakes are before they can happen."

Not spending enough on your clothes
Remember the good old days, when you could snag a bikini off the sale rack and look like hot stuff on the beach? Unfortunately, those days are gone. (Unless you're Madonna, Helen Mirren, or happen to look like them.)

The rest of us need to invest in clothing that's a bit more, well, constructed. Think Lycra panels, butt-boosting jeans, and Spanx. 

It's a challenge to find flattering clothes at any age, but it's even harder in middle age. You'll probably need to fork over more dough for body-squeezing swimsuits and well-fitted business clothes that do the trick.

Comparing yourself to you in your 20s
Have your kids ever asked, "Who's that pretty lady in your photo album?" You're not alone. 

Few people look as attractive in middle age as they did in their younger years. So take a walk down memory lane if you must, but don't get depressed if you run into your younger self. 

The goal is to look as good as you can--and be as healthy as you can--not recreate the body and face you had decades ago.

Skipping exercise
Tempted to stop working out as you get older? (Or use it as another excuse not to start?) Sorry, that won't cut it. 

You'll have to exercise despite the aches and pains of middle age--the bum knee, tricky back, or it-just-makes-me-feel-like-hell feeling. 

Exercising can actually relieve pain, and stave off health problems in coming years, such as creeping weight gain, diabetes, heart disease, or dementia. 

If you can manage a marathon, great. If not, now is the time to check out the gym pool, start taking yoga, or fall in love with power walking.

Not getting enough sleep
Gone are the days when you could stay up all night and still make it to work with a glowing complexion and a spring in your step.

The fact is, you may have heard a "you look tired" comment even after a good night's sleep. (It's OK to grit your teeth on that one.) 

While it may be tempting to shortchange sleep, particularly if you're juggling parent- and child-care duties, this may be one more thing you need to change. 

Fewer hours of sleep are more likely to show up on your face, true. But it's also linked to a greater risk of diabetes and other health problems, which become even more important as you age.

Ignoring your teeth
You may be focusing on your wrinkles or thinning hair, but don't forget to smile at yourself in the mirror. 

One thing that can make you appear older is yellowing teeth, but it is about more than just looks. Dental health is closely linked with overall health, and gum disease--which gets more common as you age--has been associated with a higher risk of heart problems.

So don't skip those visits to the dentist.

Overdoing anti-aging efforts
This is a common mistake made by celebrities and real women alike. 

No one likes crow's-feet or laugh lines, but a frozen Botox face or scary lip plumping isn't a great look either.

The right skin products (such as those containing retinol) can help diminish fine lines and wrinkles. If you're not happy with the result, then explore other alternatives--but don't aim to look like a teen again.

"No wrinkles can be unrealistic and unnatural," says Grufferman.

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"At 54, I was unused to the attention of young men, especially a handsome one in his 20s," she says. "Our eyes connected as I told myself not to be silly - he couldn't possibly be interested in me. But I was wrong."

Attractive, slim and smartly dressed, she has been divorced from her lawyer husband for 15 years, and had resigned herself to a series of uninspiring dates with overweight, balding men of her own age at home in Chester.

This summer, thousands of these middle-aged, single women will pour off the planes, to be met by countless fit, athletic-looking dark-skinned young men who will casually approach them, saying: "What a beautiful lady you are. Can I help you find your hotel?"

Writer Jeannette Belliveau, a self-confessed former "sex tourist" and author of a book called Romance On The Road, says the problem is becoming endemic and that these women are deluding themselves about the dangers such flings present.

Some of these women tourists never went home after their holiday. Barbara Scott-Jones, 61, from Leeds fell in love with Jamaica and was building a home on the island when she was found dead earlier this year.

"In countries such as the Gambia and Kenya, there is both a surplus of men and the fact that women there tend to marry men at least ten years older than themselves, which is the culture. So for 18-year-old and 20-plus men, there is no one to date.

"Poverty is rife. Then, over the past ten years, planeloads of mature single British women have started arriving, their handbags full of cash. They're fit, good-looking men and it didn't take them long to realise that there are rich pickings here."

"Imagine what it was like for me, a fifty-something women who felt abandoned, unloved and on the shelf, thinking no man would ever find me attractive again. Here was a beautiful young man with the most incredible, fit body, begging me to go to bed with him.

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